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A Thing I’ve Noticed OR What No One Understands About Grammar Nazis

grammar Nazis be like "*are like"Dear World:

I know I haven’t sounded all that understanding of grammatical errors recently.  “Another Grammar Rant” was impassioned and frustrated; “Ode to the Em Dash” was both pretentious and angsty.  I know what I sound like when I rant about grammar, what I sound like when I rant about anything I care about.  I know what I sound like when I’m whiny.

I will freely admit that part of my love for semicolons exists because using them makes me feel correct and intellectually superior.

That’s not why I’m a grammar Nazi.  Not entirely, at least.  Not even mostly.

Recently, I’ve been trying to find some inkling on the Internet that what I do is appreciated, even by a sliver of a minority.  Instead, I’ve found scientific studies “proving” that I, being a grammar Nazi, am a jerk; I’ve found grammatically incorrect memes telling me I, being a grammar Nazi, am ridiculous; I’ve found people who are convinced that I, being a grammar Nazi, exist only to make their lives painful and annoying; I’ve found entire articles intent on proving that I, being a grammar Nazi, am just a bully who is insecure and unwilling to reveal my own imperfection.

That’s not me, either.

Even the kinder things I’ve found have been purely to tell me to be more compassionate, like I’m not already.  To tell me just to give up the greatest passion in my life.

Let me say this now, World: I won’t.  I can’t.  This is who I am.

I will not apologize for that.

I cannot speak on behalf of every other grammar Nazi in the world.  I cannot say that every grammar Nazi is not a scientifically proven jerk, is not ridiculous, does not exist to make others’ lives painful and annoying, or is not an insecure bully who attacks others’ imperfections to conceal his own.

I can speak for myself, though.  Maybe, somewhere out there, a fellow grammar Nazi will read this and realize that there is someone else like her; that not everyone thinks people who love grammar are useless and outdated. Continue reading A Thing I’ve Noticed OR What No One Understands About Grammar Nazis

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Another Grammar Rant

bad grammar makes me [sic]I just found out it’s National Grammar Day!  How is this a thing I didn’t know about‽  I’m so happy right now!  (And still not using “tears of joy” emojis; take that, Oxford English Dictionaries!)

So, here’s the thing about grammar.  It’s kind of my life.  And that sentence just got me a lot of really strange looks from people reading this, I know, but bear with me. Continue reading Another Grammar Rant

Ode to the Em Dash (The Musings of a Sleep-Deprived Grammar Enthusiast at 1 AM)

Oh, Em Dash! resplendent in thy linear glory!/Behold they versatility!/There you sit--silent, unassuming--on the snowy page,/Quietly clarifying, humbly interrupting./Thou art a prince of grammar--/--A beacon!/A shining knight of rightness!/Thy chivalry--/--That book of grammar, open and forlorn, forsaken by all but thee--/Now scorned, forgotten,/Once a glittering gem, but now/Dusty and wrinkled with age,/Is a monument./Faded even now into the obscurity of apathy,/Replaced carelessly with a hyphen, a comma, an ellipsis,/Still, you stand--/--straight, long--/A quiet, forgotten testimony/To the quiet simplicity of/A perfect sentence.//And yet! And yet there still is hope for us,/The lovers of rightness,/The antiquated./For, though others dismiss thee as tedium,/Too slow in this rush of life,/There still are those of us who are prostrate before the Grammarian Queen,/That glorious Semicolon who reposes, exultant in her regalia;/Us steadfast, devoted few who honor thee,/Respect thee,/--Love thee./To us--/To me--/You will always be great,/Never diminished with the disunion of that hateful dotted line,/That horrid double hyphen,/But proud and whole, you shall sit on my pages,/As defiantly--/Reverently--/My loyal fingers type out/—/And my faithful heart sings,/"Long Live Em Dash--Prince of the Page!"

Cara Kennaway